Do you still have your period?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
