I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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