My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
