Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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