I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
