Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize