I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
