your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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