You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
