were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
