Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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