Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
