Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
