i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
