Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
