I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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