I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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