I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize