Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
