you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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