also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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