Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize