I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
