I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
