that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
