i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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