it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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