1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
