Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
