You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
