i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
