2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I smell stomach acid.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
