They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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