You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This toilet bowl is my home.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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