like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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