He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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