I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
