even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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