drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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