where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
