I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
