He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
