I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
