woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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