I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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