There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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