I am in a vortex of obligation.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
