I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
