She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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