What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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