So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
