pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you never un-have a 4some
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
