yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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