When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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