today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
