ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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