at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
