Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize