You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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