Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize