my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
