Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize