I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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