no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
