Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
