there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
