i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
