I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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