Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
