I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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