I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Tornado booty call.. dedication
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Randomize
