Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize