I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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