You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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