I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
