She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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