Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
