I wish I only lived at night.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
