you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
