so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
