My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
