Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
