next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
