I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
