People in love make me want to vomit
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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