The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize