I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
