We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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